~*~ Night Thoughts ~*~

The night settles round me like a warm cloak.
Thoughts scurry through my mind
Like dark thunder clouds
Racing across the sky
Flying past my consciousness
In a ghostly mist.

As the delicious dessert that was my life
Crumbles around me like week-old cake,
I pick pieces from the crumbs
and try to fit them back together,
but the jigsaw pattern of what now is
does not let them fit anymore.

Truth tries to slip through a tiny crack in the wall
That I spent so long building.
As I gaze at the widening crack,
A shimmering box appears
Floating before me.

With trembling hands I carefully open it.
Inside, a tiny throbbing glow shows
On the very bottom of the box.
A small flutter of hope is still alive!
Carefully, I stem the flow of truth from the crack
With this little gift,
And smile.

The buttery yellow glow of the sun
melts through the curtains
of my bedroom window.
A new day dawns,
And with it ...maybe ... Hope.

~*~ Unchosen ~*~

Where did this strange desire come from?
The dusty book falls from a shelf
And the pages fly open.
Alone ... Lonely ... Unchosen.

What is this empty place inside us all,
That needs recognition ... accepetance,
That needs to be wanted.

That empty feeling so deep inside,
The ache of wanting to be someone
More than just no one.

The purpose of life seems ambiguous.
We want ... and don't want,
Need ... and don't need.
I am in a haze of conflicted feelings.

This thing that somehow
Has become important to me
Has opened my book of memories
To that lonely unchosen child.

That hole inside ... That empty one
That we cannot fill.
It must be filled by others.
Why can't we Know how special we are?

Choose me ... Choose me.
I am not a wastoid.
I search for approval.
Can I now do this myself?

Choose me ... Choose me.
I have learned. Have I learned?
I am ... Not ... Ordinary.
I am special.
If I know it , maybe you will too.

Sazzy Oh 9/20/09

~*~ The Storm ~*~

All day I had felt our evening
Tickling my thoughts,
That tiny wiggly feeling
That squirms around inside
And incites little lusts in me.

I felt a growing storm
Filling me with powerful sensations.
Now the time has come ...
We are together.

Our universes intersect in tumultuous joy.
The thundering noise was ... could it be ...
The beating of two hearts
Longing for completion.

Strong currents move us to new heights
The waves of emotions fill us with longing.
That emptiness in our soul longs to be filled.

Long sensuous caresses
Send shivery throbs of intoxication
Waking deeper passions seeking fulfillment.

The warm breath of love swirls through the air
And floats around us.
All nature ensnares us in its lust for life.

Our skin gleams with the dew of our passion;
Our tongues exchange the liquid of our want;
And our ears hear the whispers of our need.

The earth trembles under our feet
And we melt together.
Mother Natures embrace
Becomes our bed.
Like the ancient unions of creation,
We merge into one.

Throbbing drums pound in us.
The ancient rhythm of our hearts
Beat in harmony.
Gasping breaths evoke primal urges
Finding expression in quickening pulsations.

We feel the clouds of our passion
Lift us into the air
And we spin round and round ...
Totally out of control ... until at last ...

We soar over the edge of the world
Into the heavenly embrace of our love.
We shiver in pleasure
And meld into deep contentment.

~* By Sazzy Oh and DanD Rau *~

~* The Bottomless Pit *~

How many is enough?
Do we have some bottomless pit
that can never be filled?

Some men look at women as
The fiercest beast on the planet
And, truth be told,
Sometimes this is true.

Some men are not looking for love.
They look for another notch on their belt.
The power of having someone want them,
The more the merrier,
Never ever enough.

Women long for love,
Someone to fill that
Bottomless pit
That is so hungry for love
That it aches.

Man's bottomless pit
Is only filled
With women.

Woman's bottomless pit
Can only be filled
With love.

Can this be true of everyone?
Will a man finally find that
One special one that actually closes
The hole in that deep dark
Bottomless pit?

That, my friend,
Would really be ...
A Miracle.

~*~ Clouds of Hope ~*~

The heat of summer is like syrup;
It enfolds me with its sweet sticky ooze.
My steps drag through the swamp of lost dreams
Each day is like that nightmare
Where you can not move.

Days slide by as I hide behind clouds of hope
That disappear into the darkness.
Some days I ride a black stallion called panic
As he races with me tied in the saddle
Into the misty fog of tomorrow.

The strands of time shimmer around me,
The dim light of what was,
The glow of what could have been,
And the storm clouds of what is.

Who thought sheltering me would prepare me
For this road that I must travel?
Where are they now when I need them?

Can I put everything off until tomorrow
With the hope that tomorrow will never come?
I grasp each tiny moment in time
Where I pretend that everything is really ok.

Where do I put that mantra
That always floated by my side
And was so true for me?
The words play over and over in my mind
But can I ever believe them again?
If I say them enough times
Will they really come true?

Did I live in some magical fairyland of life
That was never really true?

I will keep saying it ... I will.
Maybe the power it used to have will return.
"Every day ... in every way ... is better and better!"
There I said it!
Please let it be true.

*~ Tears of an Angel ~*

Heavenly breezes blow the air
blooming with the fragrance of flowers.

An Angel shimmers on her cloud of bliss,
Spinning and twirling
Her dance of joy,
Her eyes bright with love.

She pauses in her dance
To gaze enchanted
By the spinning Earth.

She feels two souls
Waiting to touch
And her heart sings of romance
For an Angel is ... Love, you know.

So on this very, very special day
She plucks one feather
And watches it float down.
It spins and twirls
Like her dance
Until at last
It touches one
And then the other.
Eyes meet and love is born.

This oh so fragile gift of love
Given in the hope
that it might reveal
the joy in them
that she now feels.

Hearts merged,
Secrets shared,
Connections made,
Life is made more
Because of each other.

But oh do mortals ever really understand
This gift from Angels?
This most precious gift of love
Must be tended
Like the flowers in her garden,
Nurtured with tenderness,
Watered with tears of joy,
Weeded to keep out intruders.

The bond as fragile
As a gossamar spider's web
So easily torn,
So easily ripped apart.

Time passes as she watches.
She sees it broken,
Her precious gift of love and hope.

Her heart aches for these sad mortals
That could not really understand
That love's connection
Made as a gift from heaven
Might disappear as quickly as it came.

Her tears fall
As the Earth spins round
Until her dance begins once more
With hopes that love will bloom again.

Do you know?

Do you know on those days
When everything is wrong
And my eyes pop open not even seeing
The beauty from my window
When that awful sick feeling
Is so strong inside me there is
Absolutely nothing else in all the world
But that.
When I drag myself up
Just hoping to make ... The Feeling ...go away
Which of course it does not

Do you know the joy you bring me
When each morning you are there for me
To make it even a tiny bit possible to forget
For those minutes we have together,
The Feeling

Do you know how much it means to me
That you come
Even knowing that some days will be hard

Do you know the peace you bring me
The forgetting that washes over me
In the times we have.

Do you know that even if the day goes slowly
And things are not always right or wrong
Just a day to get through
How much I look forward to knowing, knowing
That you will be there for me?

Do you know that finding you there
Again late in the evening
The forgetting time with you
Helps me sleep
Helps me get through one more night
With dreams of hope

Until the morning sun shines again
Peeking in, the birds twittering their song
You, the sun, the birds, all helping me
Force my eyes open to face another day
With a tiny bit of hope.

Do you know, do you know
How much you mean to me?