*~* The Wind *~*

The wind howls outside my window.
Leaves flutter to the ground.
My heart flutters with them.
You are the wind in my soul.

I feel the turmoil of autumn
And wonder at the chill
Dispelled by our fiery passion.

Clothes flutter to the ground
Just like the leaves
In a disarray matching
Our primal lust.

The heat from the flames of the fire
Is nothing compared to Our heat.
Slippery wet bodies
Cling to each other.

Seeking natures fulfillment,
We wrestle into wanting tangles
Desperately seeking
The intimate connection.

The storm without
Becomes the storm within
And Passion's gift
Explodes into unity.

We relax into a warm embrace
Feeling the dying embers of our fire,
Sleepily resting until our fire burns again.

~* Never the end *~

~*~ Night Thoughts ~*~

The night settles round me like a warm cloak.
Thoughts scurry through my mind
Like dark thunder clouds
Racing across the sky
Flying past my consciousness
In a ghostly mist.

As the delicious dessert that was my life
Crumbles around me like week-old cake,
I pick pieces from the crumbs
and try to fit them back together,
but the jigsaw pattern of what now is
does not let them fit anymore.

Truth tries to slip through a tiny crack in the wall
That I spent so long building.
As I gaze at the widening crack,
A shimmering box appears
Floating before me.

With trembling hands I carefully open it.
Inside, a tiny throbbing glow shows
On the very bottom of the box.
A small flutter of hope is still alive!
Carefully, I stem the flow of truth from the crack
With this little gift,
And smile.

The buttery yellow glow of the sun
melts through the curtains
of my bedroom window.
A new day dawns,
And with it ...maybe ... Hope.

~*~ Unchosen ~*~

Where did this strange desire come from?
The dusty book falls from a shelf
And the pages fly open.
Alone ... Lonely ... Unchosen.

What is this empty place inside us all,
That needs recognition ... accepetance,
That needs to be wanted.

That empty feeling so deep inside,
The ache of wanting to be someone
More than just no one.

The purpose of life seems ambiguous.
We want ... and don't want,
Need ... and don't need.
I am in a haze of conflicted feelings.

This thing that somehow
Has become important to me
Has opened my book of memories
To that lonely unchosen child.

That hole inside ... That empty one
That we cannot fill.
It must be filled by others.
Why can't we Know how special we are?

Choose me ... Choose me.
I am not a wastoid.
I search for approval.
Can I now do this myself?

Choose me ... Choose me.
I have learned. Have I learned?
I am ... Not ... Ordinary.
I am special.
If I know it , maybe you will too.

Sazzy Oh 9/20/09

~*~ The Storm ~*~

All day I had felt our evening
Tickling my thoughts,
That tiny wiggly feeling
That squirms around inside
And incites little lusts in me.

I felt a growing storm
Filling me with powerful sensations.
Now the time has come ...
We are together.

Our universes intersect in tumultuous joy.
The thundering noise was ... could it be ...
The beating of two hearts
Longing for completion.

Strong currents move us to new heights
The waves of emotions fill us with longing.
That emptiness in our soul longs to be filled.

Long sensuous caresses
Send shivery throbs of intoxication
Waking deeper passions seeking fulfillment.

The warm breath of love swirls through the air
And floats around us.
All nature ensnares us in its lust for life.

Our skin gleams with the dew of our passion;
Our tongues exchange the liquid of our want;
And our ears hear the whispers of our need.

The earth trembles under our feet
And we melt together.
Mother Natures embrace
Becomes our bed.
Like the ancient unions of creation,
We merge into one.

Throbbing drums pound in us.
The ancient rhythm of our hearts
Beat in harmony.
Gasping breaths evoke primal urges
Finding expression in quickening pulsations.

We feel the clouds of our passion
Lift us into the air
And we spin round and round ...
Totally out of control ... until at last ...

We soar over the edge of the world
Into the heavenly embrace of our love.
We shiver in pleasure
And meld into deep contentment.

~* By Sazzy Oh and DanD Rau *~

~* The Bottomless Pit *~

How many is enough?
Do we have some bottomless pit
that can never be filled?

Some men look at women as
The fiercest beast on the planet
And, truth be told,
Sometimes this is true.

Some men are not looking for love.
They look for another notch on their belt.
The power of having someone want them,
The more the merrier,
Never ever enough.

Women long for love,
Someone to fill that
Bottomless pit
That is so hungry for love
That it aches.

Man's bottomless pit
Is only filled
With women.

Woman's bottomless pit
Can only be filled
With love.

Can this be true of everyone?
Will a man finally find that
One special one that actually closes
The hole in that deep dark
Bottomless pit?

That, my friend,
Would really be ...
A Miracle.

~*~ Clouds of Hope ~*~

The heat of summer is like syrup;
It enfolds me with its sweet sticky ooze.
My steps drag through the swamp of lost dreams
Each day is like that nightmare
Where you can not move.

Days slide by as I hide behind clouds of hope
That disappear into the darkness.
Some days I ride a black stallion called panic
As he races with me tied in the saddle
Into the misty fog of tomorrow.

The strands of time shimmer around me,
The dim light of what was,
The glow of what could have been,
And the storm clouds of what is.

Who thought sheltering me would prepare me
For this road that I must travel?
Where are they now when I need them?

Can I put everything off until tomorrow
With the hope that tomorrow will never come?
I grasp each tiny moment in time
Where I pretend that everything is really ok.

Where do I put that mantra
That always floated by my side
And was so true for me?
The words play over and over in my mind
But can I ever believe them again?
If I say them enough times
Will they really come true?

Did I live in some magical fairyland of life
That was never really true?

I will keep saying it ... I will.
Maybe the power it used to have will return.
"Every day ... in every way ... is better and better!"
There I said it!
Please let it be true.

*~ Tears of an Angel ~*

Heavenly breezes blow the air
blooming with the fragrance of flowers.

An Angel shimmers on her cloud of bliss,
Spinning and twirling
Her dance of joy,
Her eyes bright with love.

She pauses in her dance
To gaze enchanted
By the spinning Earth.

She feels two souls
Waiting to touch
And her heart sings of romance
For an Angel is ... Love, you know.

So on this very, very special day
She plucks one feather
And watches it float down.
It spins and twirls
Like her dance
Until at last
It touches one
And then the other.
Eyes meet and love is born.

This oh so fragile gift of love
Given in the hope
that it might reveal
the joy in them
that she now feels.

Hearts merged,
Secrets shared,
Connections made,
Life is made more
Because of each other.

But oh do mortals ever really understand
This gift from Angels?
This most precious gift of love
Must be tended
Like the flowers in her garden,
Nurtured with tenderness,
Watered with tears of joy,
Weeded to keep out intruders.

The bond as fragile
As a gossamar spider's web
So easily torn,
So easily ripped apart.

Time passes as she watches.
She sees it broken,
Her precious gift of love and hope.

Her heart aches for these sad mortals
That could not really understand
That love's connection
Made as a gift from heaven
Might disappear as quickly as it came.

Her tears fall
As the Earth spins round
Until her dance begins once more
With hopes that love will bloom again.

Do you know?

Do you know on those days
When everything is wrong
And my eyes pop open not even seeing
The beauty from my window
When that awful sick feeling
Is so strong inside me there is
Absolutely nothing else in all the world
But that.
When I drag myself up
Just hoping to make ... The Feeling ...go away
Which of course it does not

Do you know the joy you bring me
When each morning you are there for me
To make it even a tiny bit possible to forget
For those minutes we have together,
The Feeling

Do you know how much it means to me
That you come
Even knowing that some days will be hard

Do you know the peace you bring me
The forgetting that washes over me
In the times we have.

Do you know that even if the day goes slowly
And things are not always right or wrong
Just a day to get through
How much I look forward to knowing, knowing
That you will be there for me?

Do you know that finding you there
Again late in the evening
The forgetting time with you
Helps me sleep
Helps me get through one more night
With dreams of hope

Until the morning sun shines again
Peeking in, the birds twittering their song
You, the sun, the birds, all helping me
Force my eyes open to face another day
With a tiny bit of hope.

Do you know, do you know
How much you mean to me?

~* In the Beginning *~

In the Beginning, there was heaven and earth
And we lived lives of futile obfuscation,
Unfulfilled and empty,
And then into the dark shadows of our lives
Came an illumination.
A Second Life was born
And we smiled and were happy.

The beginning of more ... so much more -
Romance, travel, new friends ...
We could be anything,
Anyone we wanted to be.

Moments of persiflage,
Times to contemplate the meaning of all these lives,
We come to terms with our nemeses
But weep for our loss of naivete.

Exposed emotions searing souls,
Some so addicted to this feeling
That even when this fire turns to bitter ash
They have no choice but to begin again
Not even noticing the one that was left behind
Scorched by the fire.

For a lucky few, love's fire never dies.

piggly wiggly

~* Spring *~

The warm breeze slips
Over and under bare branches
Lifting the brown blanket
That covered the earth.

The melodic songs of birds
Waking up Spring
Float through my open window.
Mother earth brings new possibilities
As nature conquers entropy with love.

New life stirs.
Flowers of hope wiggle free.
Glimmers of color reach to the sky.
The sweet smell of rebirth
Floats in the air.

Days growing longer
Making me ponder
The real meaning of life.
Spring gives me hope.

~*~ Hand in Hand ~*~

Sometimes we walk the path hand in hand.
Happinesss walks with us,
Then eyes stray and the path divides.
One walks alone;
One walks happily with another.
The paths seem to merge again
And hands and hearts
Reach out to each other again.
Hands and heart merge once more.
Will this path be the long walk
Or will it divide again?

~*~ Random Kisses ~*~

Alone in the spotlight
Music from his soul
Notes floating through air
Like Random Kisses.

Feelings soar through space
Shimmering notes float down
Like Random kisses
Touching hearts and lips.

When the final
Throbbing beat
Slips away
Stillness fills the night once more.

Eyes shining with hope
Hopeful hearts reach out
Dreaming of sharing
Random Kisses.

Searching for more
Hoping the music in his heart
Makes a song in hers
And then Random kisses
Will be random no more.

~~* The Fog *~~

I live in a fog between two worlds.
I struggle to feel the one
And leave the other behind.

One is soft pillows
And warm blankets,
The bliss of a dream.

A dream where anything is possible,
Where I can be anyone,
Do anything,
Go anywhere.

The other is filled with pain
That I can not control,
Responsibilities that bend me
Under the weight of their burden.

The comforting fog surrounds me.
Can I break free of it
To live in the light of reality,
Shoulder the burden,
And live in the now?

The dream dessert is so tempting
Sometimes I eat it first
But in the end the dinner, even if not as tasty,
Will be what fufills me.

In the fog,
In that place between the worlds,
I have learned that
I, yes, I, get to choose
Which way I go.

And there is a time and place
For each of them.
And really, truly
I am in charge in both.

I Can do it.
I Will do it.
~~*~~

~*~ The first kiss ~*~

Soft moist lips touch for the first time.
This feeding of their spirits
Seems to last forever.
Together they enter eternity.

The wonder of this magic moment
Fills them with amazement.

The warm gentle touch
As soft as a baby's blanket
Grows into a small spark
Of a fire that begins to burn.

Shivers of feelings
Race through bodies
That drink in the hot wine
Of desire.

Eyes open slowly
To stare into
The universe
Of another soul.

Wet throbbing lips
Smile
With the joy of
That first kiss.
~*~

~*~ I Ponder ~*~

I ponder many things
Like ...
Lust and Love and Like.

Is Lust just a way to know each other?
Is it then lost on the way to Love?
Does Lust and Love give way to
"I like you"?

Is Lust just the desire to own or possess?
Is that not an amazing delicious thing?
Is Lust Love at all?

My love tells me
That Like is better then Love.
I like Love.

Can Like really be better then Love?
He says,
"True love is the total acceptance of others as they are.
True Like is enjoying the other with all their faults and foibles."

So ... which is better ... true Love or true Like?

In my heart ... Like and Love and Lust
Merge into the joy he brings me.
The happy moments in the day that I spend with him,
For me ... Like and Love and Lust
Are ... all ... what I feel for him.

* Love is a Leash ¸.*´`'*:-.,_,.-:*

Love is a leash.
Sometimes it is as soft and beautiful
As an expensive silk ribbon.
Sometimes as hard and heavy
As a rusty iron chain.

Sometimes we wear it
With prideful joy
Like a leash of
Sparkling diamonds.

Sometimes we wear it
With shameful pain
Trying to hide it
From all eyes.

Love is a leash
That should be taken with
Trembling wonder
Chosen by our hearts

Because when we take it
We give control to another.
Best hope that
Our hearts choose wisely.

Love is a Leash ¸.*´`'*:-.,_,.-:*

~* Bubbles *~

Some nights, all curled up in my warm blankets,
Sensing the cold chill of the wind
Blowing outside my window,
I let thoughts float through my mind
Like that red and white plastic bobber
That bounced up and down
In the ripply waters of the lake
Outside my window when I was young.

The memories float like sparkling bubbles
On the currents of water.
Sometimes they crash against the rocks
On the shore of an angry ocean,
The stormy surf pounding them
Until they pop and float away.

Sometimes they drift peacefully,
Lightly floating,
On the slow gentle currents of a stream,
Bubbles of my life,
The memories kept for me in these beautiful bubbles.
I watch in awe as they float past my consciousness
Shimmering moments of my life.
~*~

~*~ Dark Beauty ~*~

She sits alone in her dark beauty waiting.

She weaves gossamer ribbons
In the shimmering blackness of the night.
The strands so thin and beautiful
Angels might cry seeing them.

Each strand spun with love
She labors into the night.
Tiny drops of dew
Fall from the forest above
Nestling in her ribbons.

Moonbeams shimmer in the air
And seeing the beauty of her work
Entangle with the dew
Becoming sparkling jewels
Nestled among the tiny ribbons.

She sits alone in her dark beauty waiting.

She pauses in her work.
Her gossamer ribbons
Filled with natures tiny jewels
Move in the soft breeze
And beckon ... enter.

She senses ... Him.
She Feels him drawing near.
Her eyes glow in the dark shadow of night.
Her arms reach out.

She can see him now.
All her senses are on him.
If only her beauty, the only gift she can give him
Will be enough.

He pauses in the nighttime shadows.
His eyes meet hers as she sits in regal splendor
In the very center of her gift for him.

He gazes in awe at her beauty,
The intricate beauty of her gifts for him,
All the joy and the wonder that could be his.

He steps forward.
Slowly he makes his way
Past the gossamer ribbons of hope and love/
He can not resist.

She smiles,
Arms extended in a lover's embrace
And once again
Her romantic trap is sprung.

The beautiful dark spider
Or
The beautiful woman?
You choose.
~*~

~* Angst *~

I am so alone.
I can still sense the others,
See the colors, hear the laughter,
But the wires must be down.
I have been disconnected.

I have this ache
In my heart
And I can not make it go away.
Where did it come from?

I am empty inside,
Only this ache.
Will I ever learn?

My beautiful magical forest
Has disappeared.
Now, the dull black and brown of winter
Fits my mood.
Bleak and barren
The icy wind howls ... and it's me.

I feel blown away by this cold cruel wind.
I swirl and swish past hearts turn frigid.
I am all alone.

I am drowning in my own misery,
Reaching out for anyone
To save me from this ocean of despair.

Dante's Inferno was nothing compared
To this woefull angst that I have made
From my thoughts alone.

Worry and anxiety throw me once more
Into the depths of despondency.
The walls are unscalable.
All hope has fled.
I wallow in the melancholy
Of this murky colorless mess.

Can anyone break the ice
That holds my heart imprisoned,
Imprisoned with thoughts
Of what could have been?
Will the Spring thaw this frigid pain?

The warm sunshine of all love
Is hidden in the shadows of loss.
All the beauty of summer gone,
Will it ever return?
Or am I to live forever in this
Cruel gloom?

I ache for the the new birth of Spring,
The sprouting time with its shoots of hope,
The bright colors of new lives born,
My magical forest surrounding me once more
In its tender, hopeful embrace.

I long for hope,
For love,
For sunshine again.
Please, someone
Find the break
And connect me again.

And yet one morning as tired eyes opened,
The golden warmth of the rising sun
Slipped through the pains.
That bright light from without
Lit the small light that had always burned inside
And it grew and grew and grew
Until the amazing wonder of life and love
Opened me up again

No matter how dark the night,
No matter what despair we think we have found,
The light never really goes out.
You only have to open your eyes once more.

The light is stronger than the dark
And hope and love never leave you.
Just open your heart and let your light shine free.
Be the light and laughter and love for all to share.

~*~ Never the end ~*~

~*~ The Door ~*~

Each time, not quite remembering,
I pause at this most amazing door
Made of angel wings and fairy tails.
It shimmers in the mist of time and dreams.

Love is the doorway
Into another universe
And I enter once more.

The pathway glimmers and shimmers
Flowers of I-love-you's
Are planted along the way.
The air is filled with their perfume.

Forests of hope
Gleam in the distance.
Vines of forever
Tangle and slow my step.

Laughter floats in the air
Like notes from the songs of Angels.
I move ever higher into the clouds,
Where happy memories are made,
Wanting so to reach the highest peak.

Finally, I step onto the pinnacle
At the very tippy top
And I pause to look down.
My heart skips a beat.

The path has lost its glow.
The shimmer of excitement
Seems to fade away into the distance,
Now I am pushed down this dark path.

My feet that had been
As light as feathers
Floating in the breeze
Now seem stuck.

The swamp of despair
Made from my tears
Slows my steps.
I am stuck in this muddy mess
That I have made.

I slog through
The downward spiral
Of my tear soaked mire.
The light is almost totally gone.
Darkness surrounds me.

I pause again at a doorway,
No angel wings or fairy tails,
No, they have flown away
On the currents of my making.

I step through this door
And it slams shut behind me.
I hear an echo of my voice
Saying: "I love you."

And then, hurled at me
Like the sharpest of knives
As it cuts into my very soul
I hear only: "I like you too."

Time stops;
Eternity pauses
And my beautiful door
Crumbles into dust.
~*~

~*~ The Rainbow ~*~

Colors sprinkled here and there
Like the fairies spread them all around.
Romantic reds shimmer in a heat of their own
Yellow glows like the fire lit in our hearts
Tears of blue change into sparkles of hope
The green of the earth grounds us.

You are the rainbow in my life
Reminding me of all the colors in it
Bringing me a bit of joy each day
Until we become the gold at the end
Giving more to each other and the world.

Because we are ... Us.

*~*

*~ The Precipice ~*

I live on a precipice
Built of worry,
Teetering on the edge
Of panic.

Disquieted versus serenity,
Is it really possible to choose?
A friend told me
It is my choice to stand on
This razor sharp edge.

I hide from the truth
And live with the worry.

I inherited the gene.
I know I did.
It can not be a choice
To live like this.
It just cannot be.
He must be wrong.

No one would actually choose
To mar this amazing moment in time
With this dreadful worry of what might be,
What could be.

Tomorrow never really comes.
There is only today,
This moment in time,
This time to live and love
And to ... Be.

~*~ A New Year ~*~

A new year is born
As the old one slips away
Into the fog of our past
Tucked into our drawer of memories.

A time for remembering,
Holding cherished memories,
Not willing to let them go,
Not ready to see the future.

A time to reflect,
To make resolutions,
Trying to remember.
To live in the now.

The clock ticks on ... it never stops.
A supercilious clock
Ticking away our time
But we can seize each moment
And conquer that clock.

This moment is all there is -
This magical moment,
No past ... No future.
Just now.

Each moment is a kind of death
And each a rebirth too.
We worry about the tomorrow
That really never comes.

The past shaped us
Never to be forgotten,
An end and a beginning
As we move on
To shape our future.